


Let’s just Talk

by Dead_Frequency



Category: The Midnight Gospel
Genre: Canon Related, Canon-Typical Behavior, Crying, F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, Maybe - Freeform, Oneshot, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:33:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24313582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dead_Frequency/pseuds/Dead_Frequency
Summary: After leaving to the Chromatic Ribbon with Clancy a few months ago, you start wondering why you actually left and if it’s just your habit of ruining everything for yourself. And after getting a call from your mom, you realize you have to get some things off your chest, even if your not entirely sure what it is yet.
Relationships: Clancy Gilroy/Reader, clancy Gilroy x reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 51





	Let’s just Talk

You lay atop his hammock, overlooking his room. For so much time that you spent in his little mobile home, you never realized how cluttered it was. It wasn’t really a bad thing. In fact, it told you a lot about him. He was a creative guy with a creative job...hobby? With your almost birds-eye view of the space, you admired the plants that aligned the walls.

Pretty…

A gentle breeze entered the room through the windows that were right next to you. It was nice. You missed this when you lived in the city. The quiet. Before this, you were used to the constant car honking, the yelling, and sounds of partiers. But while this quiet dimension is nice, you suppose the city has its charm too. If it didn’t you may have brought the idea of moving to the Chromatic Ribbon to Clancy before he could offer it himself. Sigh. You remember how he tried selling you on the idea. You smile at the memory.

You look down from where you were to see the monitor that displayed what Clancy was doing in his simulator. When you see his avatar talking with a bird, you almost laugh. Only he would be willing to use such odd avatars, but you aren’t one to judge. How did The Computer come up with this stuff? You lean in to hear the conversation between Clancy and the bird.

“So we’re- whatever this experience is, we think it’s real and we think that we are somehow inherently real, and it’s a case of mistaken identity…,” the bird spoke.

You lean closer, trying to make sense of whatever profound jargon this was. You lean in a bit too far and wobble, nearly falling off the hammock and face first onto the floor.

“Be careful, ma’am!” Said the Computer.

“I know, sorry about that,” you say, leaning back into the hammock. That was scary.

“No need to apologize, ma’am, I only seek to help,” a cheery tone in The Computer’s voice.

You hear something buzz far away from you, near the simulator pod. You realize it’s your phone

“You’re receiving a phone call from “Mom”, would you like to answer it?”

You freeze. It’s been about a week since she tried calling you. Maybe now isn’t the best time. You didn’t feel like answering questions.

“M-maybe not right now, Computer. Send her to voicemail.”

“As you wish.”

  
*Beep*

“Hi, sweetie, I just wanted to check in on you..again. Look, I’m not mad at you, not at all- I’m just worried for you, sweetheart. It’s not like you to just up and leave. I’ve talked with Sarah and we both know you’re in the Ribbon but-,”

You hear her swallow the lump in her throat. You wince at that.

“Please. Just- just talk to me. I want to know you’re okay. That you and Clancy are both okay. I know you’re an adult and you can make your own decisions but- Look, your sisters are worried for you. I know I’m not the only one that’s been calling you. You’re bandmates told me they’ve been calling and you never answer. Please, just talk to me, even if it’s just to say you’re okay,” she sighs, a waver in her breath.   
  


“Ok, I’m going now. I love you, sweetheart. Please. Call me.”

  
*Beep*

  
You stare at the ceiling. A hollow feeling in your chest. You knew leaving like you did would be hard. Part of you still doesn’t know why you even left. And that’s the part you were scared of. You knew- you knew that if you called any of them back, you would be bombarded with questions.

But, “Why did you leave?”, would be the hardest one to answer.

Because truthfully, you didn’t know. You look down, seeing Clancy’s body merged with the simulator pod. You knew why he left. Even if he’s never said it out loud. It was sad, really. You always feel bad thinking about it. Which made you feel even worse when you try to think about why you left. Because, from an outsider’s view...there wasn’t a reason.

You had everything or at least enough to be happy and content with. You had a loving family, great friends and bandmates and yet you still left for The Ribbon with Clancy.

You loved him. A lot. But part of you felt like that wasn’t the only reason. No one just leaves their childhood town to another dimension for no reason. And you dreaded to find the answer. The problem. Because finding it, meant confronting it. This was the worst. It’s what you were expecting.

Sarah Dessen once said “If you expect the worst, you’ll never be-“

“GASP!”

Startled at the sudden noise, you almost fall off the hammock again.

You look down and see Clancy’s head outside the simulator, He’s back.

“Back again...,” you smile.

“Hello, M-master.”

You make a face at the audible glitch and look to the monitor. What was that? You look to Clancy and see him standing up from the pod. A bit of a wobble in his stance.

“Hey, Clancy, how was-“

“Hold that thought, Milady,” he says as he makes his way to the door, smiling at you, “Gotta check on Rose.”

“Rose?,” you hop off the hammock and and landing on your feet. You follow him outside.

You both go outside to see a group of rats surrounding a Rose outside, worshipping it.

You gasp. Clancy gives out a scream and grabs a broom from...seemingly nowhere?

He starts swatting around the flower, the rats scurrying away while avoiding the broom.

As the rats scurried away, you couldn’t help but notice the makeshift alter that led to the flower. Odd.

“Hmmm..some kind of cult,” He says, eyes shifting from the flower to where the rats scampered off to.

“Maybe,” you say, moving to dismantle the altar the rats had made. You remember Clancy bringing back this flower after one of his interviews with a woman named Trudy. From what you saw on the monitor, she seemed like a good woman. Very strong and tall and pretty.

“Welp!” You huff, holding the now dismantled altar in your arms, you turn to Clancy, “I’mma put this in the trash.”

He nods, “I’ll be inside then,” gesturing at the door. As he walks away you hear him mutter something about rat cults. 

You walk towards the side of the house, where recycling and trash usually go. You had bought two large trash bins and once a week you take them to the landfill or a center for recyclables. One of you had to be clean.

_“Ugh..don’t be weird and bitter at him for your own decisions, he might’ve asked you to come but you're the one who said “yes”...don’t be like those weird old boomer couples who make weird jabs about each other on social media.”_

_“Weirdos.”_

You dump the makeshift altar parts into the trash, seeing all the garbage you both had accumulated in the past few days. 

You hear some non intelligible music from inside as you glance down into the trash bin. You see some odd green goo, used condoms, some old leftovers and some plastic cups.

 _“how’d that get in there?,” you thought._ You always prided yourself on recycling.   
  
Reaching in, you grab the plastic cup, careful to avoid the green goo and jizz covered latex. You close the trash bin and chuck the cup into the recycling bin. _Score!_

Feeling somewhat accomplished for taking care of the planet (even if it was minuscule), you go inside and see Clancy jamming to his music on his computer.

“So how was it, babe? Your interview?” You ask, glancing at the monitor, which was glitching slightly. You feel concerned for The Computer.

You make a note to tell Clancy to check up on it before he takes another interview, but not now.

“Oh it was great! You should’ve seen it, I was stuck in this existential loop and kept experiencing death,” you look at him, eyes wide with concern,” uh- it wasn’t as bad is it sounds,” he says, putting his hands up.

“Well that sounds nice, and I did see some of it- you were talking to a bird, it sounded complicated,” you said, a little distracted as you eye the monitor, planets beginning to appear with an X over them.

“Nah, Jason, the chill bird dude, was just explaining some Tibetan Buddhism ideas to me, it was pretty cool even if we had to die a bunch- hey check out my new shoes!,” he says, pointing at his little shoe shelf. 

You notice a new pair of shoes were placed there. Bird shoes.

You looked at them. One chirped at you.

“Uhh they’re not like..alive? Are they?,” you ask, looking to him.

“Uhh,” he eyes the bird shoes, turning back to his screen,” I donnknow. Maybe.”

Just then, you feel something wet and sand papery against your ankle. You look down and see Charlotte, licking your ankle to get your attention.

“Well...How about you and I go take Charlotte for a walk,” you bend down, petting said dog (thing?) on the head.

Charlotte was like a little vacuum cleaner, sucking up all the junk you and Clancy were too lazy to pick up. They were so cute, even with a weird void dimension under their stomach.

“Ahhhh, maybe later…I’m kinda tired..Y’know after all that space casting interview stuff..” He says, eyes still on his screen.

You look down at Charlotte. You watched as she slowly departed out the door. You look to Clancy as he scrolls through his computer.

_  
“Maybe...we should talk. About my mom’s call. No, no, he’d only end up annoyed...but he’s my boyfriend..he shouldn’t get mad at me if I just want to talk about mom…right?”_

You move towards him and upon reaching him, wrap your arms around him from the back.

You feel his hand meet up to your arm, acknowledging your affection.

“What’s up? Something wrong?,” he states, absentmindedly, eyes glued to the screen in front of him.

“Clancy…,” your voice, a strained whisper into his ear, registering like a warm breeze.

“We should talk,” you say, looking at the loading screen.

He seems to have snapped out of whatever trance he was in and turned to actually look at you.

_“Ahhh no. She’s probably mad at me. Why? I didn’t do anything, did I forget something?” He thought. Talking was the last thing he wanted to do, but if you needed to, he would._

He glanced at the small calendar on his screen, hoping to whatever god was watching that he didn’t forget some important date.

You place a hand on the side of his face, you hand molding to the shape of his cheek. He’s a bit cold. You see his eyes staring at you. You can almost feel that he expects you to be mad at him, but no. 

You two don’t argue often but you do get into little spats. They usually solve themselves either through apologizing or makeup sex. Not today, though. Today...you’ll just talk.

You move up to kiss his forehead. His hair getting a bit in the way but you didn’t care.

You can feel your hand on his face getting a bit warm. You feel his hand move on top of yours. You forget how cute he could be...

“W-what’d you want to talk about?,” he asks, his eyes now refusing to meet your gaze.

You ignore his question for now and move to sit on his lap, he almost automatically wraps his arms around you. You moved close to him, your face in his neck. Once you felt in place, you felt ready to talk. You just hoped he was too.

“My mom called,” you stated, best to be blunt than beat around the bush. You felt him physically tense beneath you, just a bit.

Neither of you really liked talking about family. Well that was more a recent development. You never minded talking about your family, but talking about his was always a no-go, you’ve only recently taken to that. It didn’t help that your mom and Clancy weren’t exactly close. 

Your mom didn’t _hate_ Clancy, by any means, but she wasn’t exactly thrilled when you two got together.

As for Clancy, he didn't hate your mom either, but he did get the sense that she didn’t like him. That was one thing about him. Sometimes he could be a little too good about reading the room when he wasn’t oblivious. 

To get perspective, neither of you have mentioned family in months.

  
“Um,” he cleared his throat.

“What’d she say?”

You could feel the vibration of his throat. It helped to put you more at ease. He sounded unsure though. Obviously concerned, but unsure nonetheless. He wasn’t very good at this, but that was ok. He didn’t have to be. 

“I didn’t answer. I had The Computer put her through voicemail...She says she wants to talk...to see if you and I are alright and safe,” You mumbled the last part, but you know he heard you clearly.

“Why?-uh, I mean- I know she’s your mom but..why? Does she think something happened?”

“No, it’s just, I haven’t really been picking up calls from anyone back home. She’s a bit worried. I might send her a message one of these days. When I have the courage to,” you say, leaning more into his neck to hide your face. This sounds a lot more stupid when you say it out loud. 

“Why haven’t you been picking up her calls? Did something happen between you and your mom,” he moves a hand to head, stroking your hair.

You can tell he’s trying to put you, along with himself, at ease. Family has always been dangerous water for him. He didn’t want to upset you.

“I-ahh no. Nothing happened between us. I just-,” you cut yourself off. He pauses, making sure you wouldn’t continue.

  
“Well, what about your band friends? Have you heard from them?,” his fingers getting stuck in a knot, instead of pulling it, he starts back up at the top ,” I know I don’t really talk to my siblings but...you can always talk. To me or uhhh y’know. Anyone.”

“I know it’s just- Clancy, I don't know how to word it. Without hurting you, because how I feel is my fault and I don’t even know why I’m so upset,” your hand moving to his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

“Whaddya mean?,” he says. You can feel it. He’s getting uncomfortable. You can already see him, running his hand through his hair out of anxiousness. He does that when he’s nervous. You feel bad for expecting him to do so.

“I mean I don’t- know..why I came here,” you say slowly. 

You realize how that sounds.

“D-Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean I regret coming here with you. I like it here and part of me is glad that I came here,” you look up at him,” but I feel like- I’m running from...myself. And I don’t know why.”

You weren’t really sure if that made sense. You’re giving an explanation but aren’t really sure if that’s really the answer. But it feels close. You move back to his neck.

_“Oh god. Please say something. Anything. Get mad, Clancy but for fucksake don’t say nothing!,” Your conscious screams._

You realize he’s not going to speak, so you continue.

“Look, I want to run and hide from myself because...because,” you swallow,” because everything back home is perfect! I hate how great I have it, or something. I-I don’t know, Clancy. I don’t even know what I’m saying! It’s like I’m doing this self destructive shit for no reason. Why am I making my mom feel this way? Why am I so okay with leaving and ignoring everyone? Am I horrible? Is my true self, just that horrible?,” You can feel hot tears begin to fall down your cheek and onto his chest.

You feel his hand, begin to stroke your hair again. Tears still streamed down your face, your face feels hot, not just from how close you were to him, but just how ridiculous you felt right now.

He sighs, not one of exasperation but..just lost. He didn’t know what to do besides hold you close.

_“I’m so sorry. I had no idea…” he thinks. It hurts a lot. To see you like this. If only I could think of something to tell you, something that could actually help. Think dammit! Wait- maybe I *can* help-_

He let you cry for a bit, whispering sweet nothings. Anything to get you to calm down. To let you know he’s here and listening.   
  


After, you’ve finally been able to stable yourself, he spoke.

“Hey...you said you saw some of the space cast today, right?” He said, a low quiet voice.

“Huh?,” You were confused with how that had anything to do with anything you just said, you swallowed,”uh, yeah- yeah I saw some of it, why?”

“Well..when I was talking to Jason,” he looked up a bit realizing how this might sound,”and I don’t mean to sound like a smartass but..he was talking about how they’re isn’t really a true self, so we can focus on that right? W-we can say that how you’re feeling now is-is part of this whole big universe, that is fake. Like how you feel is real, cuz it’s how you feel. And no one can take away how you feel but-“

He sighs again, running his hand through his hair, trying to figure out what exactly he’s trying to say.

“Ok, like how you feel now, is an aspect of yourself in the present about something that is real. But it’s the present. Which means you change from moment to moment and-“

“Clancy, what the fuck are you talking about?” You say, your sadness now long gone and replaced with pure confusion. _What’s he talking about?_

“Ugh, I don’t know,” he lets out a sharp exhale and then smiles wearily,” I thought I was onto something. I sound better on my spacecasts.”

“You’re so- hahaha- you’re so cute,” you say, laughing as you press your hand into his chest, a gentle push.

You continue to laugh into his chest to his surprise. He can be so endearing...

You began to move your body closer and closer to his in your fit of laughter. Not realizing you both were tilted in the chair.

“Well I’m glad I made you laugh- hey! Wait-wait-hold on!,” Clancy gave out a shriek, his voice cracking as you both fell to the floor.

You yelp as you hit the floor, your body crashing into his chest. Once you collect yourself, you look up at him.

”You okay,” you ask, seeing him move up a little, rubbing the back of his head.

“Ugh, not really..,” he winced. You begin to smile. _Poor baby._

“Hmm I’m sorry. C’mon let’s get up,” you begin to move off of him but feel his hand go to you back. You look down at him curiously.

“Let’s stay here for a while,” he looks up at you.

A bit confused, you lower yourself back down gently, your chest now flushed against his.

“You’re not uncomfortable?” You say looking up at him.

“Uh uh, s’like a nice fleshy blanket, feels nice.” He says looking at the ceiling. He realizes just how tired he is.

you notice he’s a little lost in thought before he speaks up, looking down at you.

“You think after I take a floor nap, we could go for that walk you were talking ‘bout earlier?”

You perk up a bit.

“Uh yeah sure, I think I’ll take a floor nap too, talking is exhausting,” you say, leaning further into his chest. So squishy.

“Yeahhhh, sounds good,” he sighs, he can already feel himself drifting away. 

“Hopefully, Charlotte doesn’t accidentally move over us in our sleep and suck is into...wherever her stomach leads to,” you say, your eyes growing heavy.

Clancy feels something fluffy touch his arm. He looks over and sees Charlotte staring at the two of you on the floor.

“He-heyyy Charlotte, you think you can do me a solid, buddy?,” he says sleepily,”you think you can promise me not to suck us into your little void while we sleep here for a bit?”

“Me and-,” he looks at you and sees you’ve already fallen asleep.

”Well, I’m about to go to sleep so don’t...suck us up, mmkay?,” he says as he drifts off.

  
Charlotte didn’t understand a word he said, but she can guess. She moved close and plopped herself right next to you. Maybe if she slept near you, you’d remember to take her for a walk. She could take a walk anytime but it felt nice to have some company.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little oneshot I thought would be nice to make since there’s not a lot of Midnight Gospel content out there, thank you to writers who started writing for it, it gave me a lot of inspiration to keep writing. That being said, this is a sort of warm up for a slow burner that was inexplicably abandoned for a while and thought this was a good time to start writing and getting back in the groove. EDIT: made a couple edits, so it’s a bit cleaner now :)


End file.
